I don’t know why, but I always imagined that by the time I turned 30 I’d have my sh*t together. Maybe it’s because when I was a little kid adults always seemed so put together. Organized. Calm. Collected. Like they paid their bills on time. Never missed an appointment. And always got their oil changes before they were even due. Teachers and parents, all the adults around me seemed to have pretty good control of their lives. Or so it seemed. And I just assumed by now that I would be the same.
The truth is, I don’t have my sh*t together. At all. Maybe in reality, no one does. I miss birthdays. Go to the grocery store for 1 item and walk out with 10. Missing the one thing I needed in the first place. I forget to send permission forms to school. I have been wearing only 1 earring for at least a week and haven’t even bothered to find different pair because I just don’t have time. Have broken so many glasses/plates/cups/dishes that I keep those companies in business. And have library books that are 2 months overdue. At least. Life is usually more than just a little bit scattered.
But that’s life. And I’m okay with it. I am used to wearing two different socks out of the house. Or remembering that I left my tea sitting on top of the car only after I’ve already driven two blocks and it goes flying when I get to a stop sign. But the minute I step in front of Ewan’s camera something changes inside of me. I feel centred. Relaxed. Confident. Sexy. Beautiful. His voice is gentle. His words reassuring. And we connect. I could be wearing my over-sized-and-stained-but-I-still-love-it hoodie and ripped jogging pants, but it doesn’t matter. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. For those brief moments I feel like I can take on the world. He gives me this feeling. And I realize that it doesn’t matter if I have my sh*t together or not. He loves me regardless. Unconditionally.
- Brianna (photo by Ewan)