If you’re looking just for the contest, it’s in the last paragraph of this post, but if you’re looking for a good laugh keep reading all the way through…
We’ve had three awesome weeks of Rachel being potty trained until the other day. If you have me on your facebook you’ve already caught a glimpse into this episode. If not, I feel it’s only fair to give you a warning. A giant flashing hazard sign. An enter at your own risk billboard. If you have a weak stomach stop reading this. If you have a young baby and don’t want to know the joys that lie ahead once they hit toddler-hood, stop reading. If you are thinking of having kids and are afraid that the coming event might change your mind, turn off your computer and run far far away. But if you’re a mom or dad or aunt or uncle who’s been through this and want to reassure me that it’s only a phase, dear heavens I will love you forever…
The work day was almost done. Rachel had taken an oddly long nap that afternoon and had been especially quiet (uncharacteristic of our 2.5 year old). Ewan went down to wake her up and make sure she was feeling okay and that sickness wasn’t the reason she’d slept so long. From upstairs I heard some mumbling. Then I heard some confused shuffling. And then from the bottom of the stairs I heard our nanny call up to me : “Brianna, I think you need to see this”. Oh crap I thought as a million things ran through my head. Was she hurt? Did she have a fever? Did she spill her cup of water all over herself? As the thoughts flashed through my head nothing prepared me for what I walked into…
The smell should have been the first sign as I hit the living room. When I hit the hallway it still hadn’t sunk in. But when I walked into Rachel’s room I was greeted with a pile of 407 baby wipes. I know for a fact that there were 407 because there are 410 in a package and I had only used 3 so far from the new box. The wipes were covered in poop. Completely covered. Rachel was sitting on her bed with her new big girl underwear in front of her. Covered in pooh. Seriously, covered. Apparently it had been a bad idea to leave some of her play kitchen toys in her room during her nap that day. Because in one hand was her toy blender and in her other hand was a toy spoon. She had been scooping the poop out of the underwear in an attempt to hide it from us or to clean it. When we asked her why she did that, she beamed with pride that she was helping ‘clean up the mess’. She had opened the pack of wipes to clean her body off and had tried to neatly put them in a pile on the floor. I use the term ‘pile’ loosely for the record. There was poop on the wall. Poop on the carpet. Poop on the blankets. She had lifted open her pillow cases and put pooh in there. She had lifted off her mattress cover and put pooh under there. She went to the dresser and took her sister’s sleepers out and cleaned the pooh with that. It was everywhere.
And in case you’re wondering how a child has that much pooh to make this mess with, it’s that she truly wasn’t feeling well that afternoon and you don’t need any more visual than that. But returning to the kitchen toys, she used the spoon to hide the poop in many of the items. At some point during her ‘nap’ she continued to scoop poop into her plastic toy blender. Said blender operates on batteries and the little plastic blades spin in a circle, but couldn’t hurt a fly. But apparently when you put a gooey, liquid mess in it, it can make even more of a mess. Because Rachel scooped the remaining contents of her diaper into the toy blender and turned it on…WITHOUT THE LID, thus spraying the mess all over her room. I can only assume at this point she thought her books looked like a good thing to use to clean up or that she was attempting to hide the mess in between the pages, as we’re now a few Berenstein Bear books shorts.
As if this wasn’t all bad enough, our beautiful 2.5 year old had a hard time understanding that she had done something wrong. She was so proud of herself for ‘helping clean up her mess’ and really thought that I should be proud of her for being such a good helper. The mess was caked under her nails so badly that we couldn’t even scrub it out, we had to cut them down to nubbins. I nearly pulled her hair out scrubbing it to the roots and I had to just throw out the pillows. And stuffed puppy dog, well that’s a whole other story. Where was Ewan during this ordeal you ask? He was dry heaving in the hallway and every time he tried to even come back towards the room to help he started gagging. Our nanny was laughing so hard in the bathroom that this all just seemed normal to us and she could barely breathe. And our staff attempted so hard to be supportive and helpful, but Rebecca had a look of pure fear on her face and I’m pretty sure it was the best birth control ever for Sara. So mommy braved the mess, had a good laugh or two and hugged Rachel extra tight for keeping things interesting at the Phelan house…And yes we have pictures for bribery one day, but thought we’d spare you….(the very very bad).
- Brianna
P.s. Happy Thanksgiving if you’re still reading this! I’m so thankful this year for our two beautiful daughters, my amazing husband and our friends and family. We’ve been blessed to see friends have new babies this year, watched Sarah Elizabeth take her first steps and say her first words and are constantly amazed at how Rachel is too smart for her own good. We had a year of awesome brides and grooms and think this was our best season yet. So from our family to yours, happy thanksgiving. And in the spirit of being thankful, I’m also feeling super appreciative that I’ve had a bit of free time lately to catch up on reading. It’s my secret love and I don’t make nearly enough time for it, but lately I’ve been stealing minutes anywhere I can and I’m so thankful for those black and white pages that fill me with inspiration and challenge me. So, we’re giving away a free Chapter’s gift card with this post (yes they ship to the US too). Just tell us what you’re most thankful for today and we’ll announce the winner this week.
by Brianna
31 comments